I don't know if anyone reads this blog of mine. Especially where it's been 6 months since I've written anything at all. So, seeing as how I have no followers and nobody really reads this thing, I feel safe in sharing my secret. I'm 16 weeks pregnant! I still can't really believe that it's true, but it is. I switched to a new Dr. at the end of last year and she started me down a path of health, wellness and fertility. It hasn't been easy or perfect. In order to even get pregnant, we had to have help in the form of fertility drugs and IUI. But, the important part is that we're here. We were given another chance and for that, I'm eternally grateful. We want this so very badly and had truly believed that we may never get here again.
Here's where things stand, currently... I had surgery at week 13, a cerclage, to help keep my cervix closed as that was the reason as to why we lost our daughter at 21 weeks. My cervix was weak and had started to dilate way too early. The surgery was very unpleasant, but it went well and my Dr. was very happy with how things went. I don't have any restrictions in my activity, though I feel a bit fragile and tend to take it easy anyway. She doesn't foresee any bed rest in my future, which is a MIRACLE. Perhaps some as I approach the end, but not throughout. I have weekly ultrasounds to check the cerclage and the length of my cervix. So far, so good... no problems at all. I will have weekly ultrasounds until week 24, at which time they'll decided if I need to continue with that. I have weekly progesterone shots (which KILL), to help with uterine health throughout the duration. I'll have those until week 36. Also at week 36, they'll remove my cerclage and we'll wait to go into labor. It could happen at any time once the cerclage is removed. My Dr. is keeping a very close eye on me and I'm so grateful to be in such capable and knowledgeable hands.
My official due date is December 23rd, but I don't think I'm going to make it that long. I'm thinking maybe December 17th or so. But, what do I know? We are going to find out what we're having, but won't know until August 3rd when I'm 20 weeks. I'm convinced we're having a boy. I KNEW in my heart and soul that I was having a girl last time. I didn't know how I knew, but I did. This time, I have the same knowing. I'll be shocked if I'm wrong.
I'm just now allowing myself to be excited about all of this, and will be even more so once we pass some important date milestones. The first one will be 21 weeks, which was when I lost my daughter. The second will be 28 weeks, when babies who are born early can still survive - although often with serious issues. After that, it's sit and wait for the baby to get bigger and stronger. I have felt a lot of emotions over the past few months. Being pregnant has been terrifying, because I know how horrific it is when you lose a baby. I'm terrified of it happening again. There's a part of me that doesn't believe that we're going to make it because all we know is sadness and loss when it comes to this stuff. I've been missing Avery, as I remember seeing her on the ultrasound, hearing her heartbeat, feeling her inside of me, our sad time together in the hospital, her delivery and then saying goodbye. It comes back in waves, all so fresh. It makes me miss her so much. I pray for a healthy baby, born late in December. Avery was born December 27th, so the timing of this is a little odd.
I know anything can happen at any time. We're taking one day at a time and thinking positive thoughts for a positive outcome. Fingers crossed that in December we'll be holding a healthy baby. Fingers crossed.
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