Losing Weight Never Tasted So Good

Trying to lose weight sucks. I end up eating things that I wouldn't normally eat because for some reason they suddenly seem extravagant and fulfilling...taboo. Maybe it's because after days upon days of eating the same yogurt, fruit, wheat pasta and salad greens the weird mix of flavors and foods satisfies me to a level it wouldn't normally. For instance last week I ate jalapeno peppers on Triscuts for a salty/spicy kick. In a normal world that would sound horrible but in the dieting world, it was exciting and kind of delicious. Woohoo, get out the maracas it's time for a fiesta!

This brings me to last night. Last night I wanted something sweet so I ended up having about 5 marshmallows- not the mini kind that you put in hot chocolate, but rather the awesome toast 'em over a camp fire kind.  That should have been good enough to satisfy me.  They're sweet and fluffy and remind me of being a kid so there's that hint of nostalgia mixed in which is always a nice bonus.  But it wasn't enough, I needed something more. I scoured the fridge and found the Yin to the Yang; caramel sauce. You know the kind of caramel I mean... Smuckers or something, goes on an ice cream sundae, gooey, the perfect mix of sweet and a little salty. I decided to squeeze it onto every bite and by "every bite" I don't mean 5 bites (one for each marshmallow). I took 3 bites per marshmallow- 15 squirts of caramel. Why did I do this? Was it a way to express my dessert creativity?  My culinary flair?  No... it was due to simple sugar desperation and lack of willpower. Who the fuck eats stuff like this?  I think that if I weren't dieting, the marshmallows would have been enough.  I should have eaten them slowly, without embellishment, savoring every bite. But instead, I ate them hurriedly as if I was taking part in a "How Fast Can You Eat 5 Marshmallows" contest (side note: if I were to take part in a marshmallow eating contest I think I'd be hard to beat. Should I feel proud or embarrassed by that?).  

So, whatever. It is what it is. I'm going to try and not have foods in the house that tempt me but right now it's hard to know what those foods are as my cravings and food combinations are abnormal. Today's lunch will be a tuna sandwich with some lite mayo, some mustard, capers and I'm going back to those jalapenos because those were good... and maybe a few crumbles of goat cheese?  Oh Jesus, that's gross... or is it totally awesome?!